The Darkness Falls in Light by iaVember

         

        Everyday we wake up. Takein a deep breath and wish in our guts that today would be way better than the usual.  I for one wish that for every morning of every day. But then what? Rain still falls on my wonderful parade and darkness creeps in through the light. What happened to my wish? Did it even count as a possibility?

          I go home. Shoulders-shrugged. Eyes drooped six feet below the ground. “This is hopeless. I. Am. Hopeless.” My ever confident interjection coz my day didn’t go the way I wished it would have gone.

          Who should I blame for the rain? Who should I blame for the creeping of darkness in such a perfect day? There must be someone [or something] out there whom I can blame, right?

          But wait. Oh! Wait!

          I face the mirror. Look deep into my pitiful stature through my ever droopy tired eyes. “Gosh! Ilook so  ugly! No wonder my day turned out the way that it did, I’m a MESS!”

          Now, that’s clear. I should blame my awful day to my ever awful look. At least that one’s solved.

          Wait! Is it really solved?

          Fine, I do look like a mess, but… is that really why? Oh c’mon. There couldn’t be more. Shut up! My inside’s way way messier than my outside. I started my day wishing – just wishing! I let out a so-wonderful-and-hopeful wish, but what did I do after to make that wish come true?

          A wish itself is wistful thinking. You wish for something coz you never had it. I wished for a good day coz, somehow, I knew there’s no way for me to achieve that kind of day coz I always, always suck at everything! I wished for a better day, but didn’t even lengthen my patience. I wished for a better day, but didn’t even pay attention to the beauty that the day was offering me. I wished for a better day, but still chose to succumb into negative and selfish thoughts and ideals.

          What a bummer!

          Now the day’s over and it turned out to be worse than yesterday, and is there anything left for me to do to change this? – NO! Tomorrow today will just be another yesterday that sucked!

          But wait! I can do something… I think.

          I know this is not going to be easy at all, but what if I try to be someone who will work to maketomorrow better  than yesterday? What if I succumb to beauty and positivity rather than to flaws and negativity? Do you think it would work, or make a difference at the very least?

          Well, I think it’s worth the try!

          Tomorrow I will wake up determined to make the day better than it has ever been! And. Actually. WORK ON IT.

          Wish me luck!

Merci (by iaVember)

For the songs that gained more meaning and worth

For the stares that meant the world

For the laughs that delighted my heart and soul

For the lamp in times of darkness

For the comfort we found in food

For the moments that only us, two, will understand

For sharing a part of you to me

For inviting me into your home

For the tears that only a heart in love can cry

For seeing me more than who I thought I was

For giving me a piece of heaven on earth

For trying

For cradling me in my worst

For words that will always hold their own truth

For the mornings filled with hope

For the resounding sweet dreams

For taking pride in me

For the unstained acceptance

For the rides

For the bumps

For the roads less travelled by

For the bridge we crossed

For being brave

For you

For me

For the bond

For the days

For the nights

For a shot at that elusive perpetuity

Mon ami, Merci

On Leaving...

[These are lines from the movie Try Seventeen. For a reason familiar to the innermost me, these lines spoke right through me. Echoing. Resounding. Making more sense with its every ricochet.]

You can't stop some people. They come into your life destined to leave it. You can wrap your arms tight around them, but the best that you can do is just slow them down a little 'cause there's no holding on tight enough.

Precipitation by iaVember

Ponder upon the wailing sound,
What do you hear beyond the cries?
Ponder upon the clamoring feet,
What do you see beyond the haste?
Ponder upon the screeching tires,
What do you hear beyond the sound?
Ponder upon the broken plates,
What do you see beyond each marred piece?
Ponder upon the humming birds,
What do you hear beyond the echoes?
Ponder upon the setting sun,
What do you see beyond the image gone?
Ponder upon the pouring gush of rain,
What do you hear beyond the loud whispering wind?

I Am Blessed (by iaVember)

Though the flowers have lost their bloom
         with the Spring bidding adieu
And the ground will never seem renewed
         with the absence of jovial hues
And the trees will remind you of loneliness
          with its every falling leaf
And the sun would seem more timid
          holding back its usual rays ---


Though the roads would seem longer
          as strangers pass on by
And the clock sounding unusually lazy
          with it's slow ticks and tocks
And the wheels would carry on without you
          spinning hastily fast
As the clouds gather above you
          spreading it's gloomy sighs ---


Though everything seems to be
          in hues of gray and black
And nothing you can say
          will ever turn the time back
Stop and go back inside you
          take in life with a deep breath
And with a blissful exhalation, say
          "I am blessed!"

INANITY (by iaVember)

The sun rose to the alarm ringing above my head
I tried to breathe in the feel of the new day
I stretched every part of me but one remained asleep
The morning isn't the same, my heart was no longer there


I got out of bed to a lighter shed
But the light wasn't there, have I awaken to a night?
I cleared my vision but still I couldn't see
The morning isn't the same, my sight was no longer there


I reached for the shower, the water ran through me
I tried to absorb every tiny drop, tried to feel its coolness
I bathe to wash the absence away
The morning isn't the same, my presence was no longer there


I sat and ate and drank and brushed
I checked if everything's in before I exit the house
I grabbed my phone, pushed its button, the light turned on

But the morning isn't the same, he was no longer there.

Empty

Soul Searching (by: iaVember)

I’m letting you go, but I’m not letting us go. Never. I’ll always have us in my heart.

-------

            We were best friends since...  forever! Our families are friends long before we were both born. We went to the same preschool, elementary and high school. It was only in college when we parted ways; I took up Accountancy at ADMU, while he took up Nursing at Sto. Tomas. At these times, it was more than distance that unfolded before us – we realized that we love each other in a not so platonic way. No courting happened. We just... suddenly ... became... “LOVERS.”

            At the first year of our “romantic” relationship, everything went oh so well. Though we were both very busy, we would always find time for “us.” But years passed and things seemed to have gotten more complicated, especially two years after our graduation when we were already engaged. He became, what seemed to me, lax when it comes to our relationship, while I, with full admission, became controlling and demanding.

            “Ethan, where are you? We’re supposed to look for our wedding giveaways! How am I supposed to make our marriage work if you’re not even showing any enthusiasm for our wedding! Just tell me if you...”

            “Are we going to fight over this again, Hebe? I’m on my way, so please stop nagging.”

            We hated what have become to the both of us, but we never let go. We always tried our best to patch things up and make our relationship work. We always did. Except at that one point...

            “Have you chosen your wedding suit already? I have been telling you to go to our designer so she could...”

            “Hon, let’s deal with that tomorrow, can we? Please. I’m tired and exhausted, so I honestly just really want to rest.”

            “I have been up all day too, Ethan, going back and forth preparing for our wedding. While you, my husband-to-be, couldn’t even help your own fiancée! And you think you’re tired?! For crying out loud!”

            “Yes Hebe! I AM TIRED! In fact, I’m sick and tired of this! I’m tired of you nagging, of you demanding too much from me, and of you controlling my life. You were never like this Hebe. Where’s Hebe, my best friend? Where’s the Hebe that cared about what I feel and who accepted me for who and what I am? Where’s that girl, Hebe? I don’t know you anymore.”

            “You don’t have to make excuses Ethan, or make me your reason. Just tell me straight if you don’t love me anymore!”

            “No Hebe. You’re wrong. I still love you and I will never stop loving you. But until we fix ourselves and find the part of us that we lost, I guess we have to say goodbye. I’m not saying that this is over. I just want us to find that part of us first before we spend the rest of our life together – before I spend the rest of my life with you. And when we find that part of us, I will be where it all started… waiting and loving you still and always. Hebe, I’m letting you go, but I’m not letting us go. Never. I’ll always have us in my heart.”

            He put his hand on my chin and raised my lips to his. He kissed me. And that was it. I just sat there… crying, as I watched him walk away from me… leaving me. I tried to understand the words he said, but none of them made sense to me. All I knew was he chose to leave me. Yet, deep in my heart I believed what he said that it wasn’t over, coz deep in my heart… I still love him, and I know he loves me too.

--------

            Three years passed. Three years of silence – no communication, no news about each other. But Ethan was right, I needed to find myself. And now that I have, I am ready to spend the rest of life with him.

            I went to the place where Ethan promised to wait for me. I went there everyday for a month, but no Ethan welcomed me. And on one sunny day, I saw a man. It wasn’t Ethan. But as if perfectly knowing who I were, the man came to me, handed me a letter and told me that it was written especially for me. I sat at one corner, dazzled. As if knowing right away what to do, the man positioned himself away from me to give me some privacy as I started to open and read the letter…

My Dearest Hebe,

            I know by this time you have already found what I wanted you to find. Now honey, I want you to let Marco, the man who gave you this letter, bring you to where I am.

            I miss you honey, everyday. No matter what happens always remember that I never stopped loving you and will never do. In my heart you are my wife, and I am your better half. I love you then when I wrote this letter, and I love you more now as you are reading this. I love you deeply more than forever honey, more than forever.

Your faithful lover,

Ethan

            I was sure that it was Ethan’s letter for I know his handwriting very well. This couldn’t be a prank, so I followed what he told me to do.

            Marco and I rode a blue Vios, a car that was very familiar to me. It was Ethan’s personal car. I didn’t know where we were going, but I didn’t bother asking for all I really wanted was to finally see and be with Ethan.

            When Marco finally stopped the car and opened the door for me, I was shocked to see where we were – we were at Ethan’s favorite place. I have been there once or twice and Ethan always told me that the place was paradise for him, and that I was the only person whom he told of this place. I looked at Marco with a confused face, and, as if programmed to do so, he stretched his arm and pointed to a rectangular stone a few steps behind me. I broke immediately to tears when I realized what it was.

            In a tombstone, the broken prophecy of my forever unfolded:

            

            Ethan Andrew C. Javelona

          August 7, 1983 - March 14, 2007

          " I'll always have us in my heart"

THE END 

The Chocolate’s Response to its Temptee

Okay, let’s face it

I’m the temptest among the temptress

With every gloss and moist of me

You drool and drool…

You tempted fool!

You shouldn’t have unfoild me

You shouldn’t have devoured me

Though my sweet, sweet moist

Lingers through your soul

Can’t you see?

Haven’t you been told?

Today’s not the day…

No! Not today

But as you draw me near

To those cherry twins

How can a chocolate break free?

When you held me gently yet firmly?

But tsk, tsk, tsk

You should’ve checked and checked

Oh dear you dropped your chocolate

In pure panic and fear

I lay there on the floor listening to echoes

A hush so low

“Your secret’s safe with me”

The words I heard she threw

But there’s nothing left of your chocolate

I have dried on the floor…

You tempted fool!

The Trek of Life: Thoughts of iaVember

The Trek of Life

Choosing to live is choosing to climb mountains

Choosing to live is choosing to walk that distance –

At times even taking that extra mile

For choosing to live is taking that trek through the mountain

Set before thee

In this choice to trek you will feel and learn

Things that may have been there but their worth weren’t

Or nuances that at first might be hard to accept:

The first few steps, few strides, few miles

Will be gentle as the breeze brushing against your skin

This is when hearty laughs and cheers fill the air

And feeling sure of the decision you have made

But then you realize that the trek through the mountain

Is as hard and slippery as the stones you are stepping on

You start to feel tired that it’s difficult to give out a laugh

And you look for a something or someone to help your every step

Amid all this, you are still driven

To finish the trek and reach the top of the mountain

And again and again you convince yourself that

“I can do it! I’m almost there!”

You walk and stride, walk and stride

You have made more pauses than you did earlier

And getting there is already becoming a vague option

“I might as well go back down”

But as the sound of the birds and the wind surround you

You take in a deep breath and as if renewed in spirit

You go on with your trek and realize that

To pause is better than to give it all up

Some trails can hardly be seen

Covered with what seems to you is rubbish

But as you do so you learn to look at the things above your head

And at the things under your footsteps

There are trails that become too narrow

Trails that no two people can trace at the same time

So here you learn to wait for that perfect time

To accept that some may get ahead of you

The mountain becomes steeper and harder totravel

And looking at your flushed and tired faithful companion

You learn the value of letting go

That he too may pause and step at his own pace

Now, your gut is telling you that you really are getting near

So from here you learn to push yourself harder

And learn the value of delaying gratification

“I have enjoyed enough pauses; it’s time to give it my all!”

So you use all the energy left inside you

To reach your goal – to fulfill your mountain!

And finally, you see it!

It’s within your sight and reach!

You have indeed made it!

You have succeeded!

But at this point is where you should learn

The most valuable lesson – Humility

While on top and feeling fulfilled

Take the courage to look down, and say:

“I am here because you helped me, thank you!”

And finally when you're ready

You take in a deep breath

And driven by inspiration

You decide to take on another mountain