I’m letting you go, but I’m not letting us go. Never. I’ll always have us in my heart.
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We were best friends since... forever! Our families are friends long before we were both born. We went to the same preschool, elementary and high school. It was only in college when we parted ways; I took up Accountancy at ADMU, while he took up Nursing at Sto. Tomas. At these times, it was more than distance that unfolded before us – we realized that we love each other in a not so platonic way. No courting happened. We just... suddenly ... became... “LOVERS.”
At the first year of our “romantic” relationship, everything went oh so well. Though we were both very busy, we would always find time for “us.” But years passed and things seemed to have gotten more complicated, especially two years after our graduation when we were already engaged. He became, what seemed to me, lax when it comes to our relationship, while I, with full admission, became controlling and demanding.
“Ethan, where are you? We’re supposed to look for our wedding giveaways! How am I supposed to make our marriage work if you’re not even showing any enthusiasm for our wedding! Just tell me if you...”
“Are we going to fight over this again, Hebe? I’m on my way, so please stop nagging.”
We hated what have become to the both of us, but we never let go. We always tried our best to patch things up and make our relationship work. We always did. Except at that one point...
“Have you chosen your wedding suit already? I have been telling you to go to our designer so she could...”
“Hon, let’s deal with that tomorrow, can we? Please. I’m tired and exhausted, so I honestly just really want to rest.”
“I have been up all day too, Ethan, going back and forth preparing for our wedding. While you, my husband-to-be, couldn’t even help your own fiancée! And you think you’re tired?! For crying out loud!”
“Yes Hebe! I AM TIRED! In fact, I’m sick and tired of this! I’m tired of you nagging, of you demanding too much from me, and of you controlling my life. You were never like this Hebe. Where’s Hebe, my best friend? Where’s the Hebe that cared about what I feel and who accepted me for who and what I am? Where’s that girl, Hebe? I don’t know you anymore.”
“You don’t have to make excuses Ethan, or make me your reason. Just tell me straight if you don’t love me anymore!”
“No Hebe. You’re wrong. I still love you and I will never stop loving you. But until we fix ourselves and find the part of us that we lost, I guess we have to say goodbye. I’m not saying that this is over. I just want us to find that part of us first before we spend the rest of our life together – before I spend the rest of my life with you. And when we find that part of us, I will be where it all started… waiting and loving you still and always. Hebe, I’m letting you go, but I’m not letting us go. Never. I’ll always have us in my heart.”
He put his hand on my chin and raised my lips to his. He kissed me. And that was it. I just sat there… crying, as I watched him walk away from me… leaving me. I tried to understand the words he said, but none of them made sense to me. All I knew was he chose to leave me. Yet, deep in my heart I believed what he said that it wasn’t over, coz deep in my heart… I still love him, and I know he loves me too.
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Three years passed. Three years of silence – no communication, no news about each other. But Ethan was right, I needed to find myself. And now that I have, I am ready to spend the rest of life with him.
I went to the place where Ethan promised to wait for me. I went there everyday for a month, but no Ethan welcomed me. And on one sunny day, I saw a man. It wasn’t Ethan. But as if perfectly knowing who I were, the man came to me, handed me a letter and told me that it was written especially for me. I sat at one corner, dazzled. As if knowing right away what to do, the man positioned himself away from me to give me some privacy as I started to open and read the letter…
My Dearest Hebe,
I know by this time you have already found what I wanted you to find. Now honey, I want you to let Marco, the man who gave you this letter, bring you to where I am.
I miss you honey, everyday. No matter what happens always remember that I never stopped loving you and will never do. In my heart you are my wife, and I am your better half. I love you then when I wrote this letter, and I love you more now as you are reading this. I love you deeply more than forever honey, more than forever.
Your faithful lover,
Ethan
I was sure that it was Ethan’s letter for I know his handwriting very well. This couldn’t be a prank, so I followed what he told me to do.
Marco and I rode a blue Vios, a car that was very familiar to me. It was Ethan’s personal car. I didn’t know where we were going, but I didn’t bother asking for all I really wanted was to finally see and be with Ethan.
When Marco finally stopped the car and opened the door for me, I was shocked to see where we were – we were at Ethan’s favorite place. I have been there once or twice and Ethan always told me that the place was paradise for him, and that I was the only person whom he told of this place. I looked at Marco with a confused face, and, as if programmed to do so, he stretched his arm and pointed to a rectangular stone a few steps behind me. I broke immediately to tears when I realized what it was.
In a tombstone, the broken prophecy of my forever unfolded:
Ethan Andrew C. Javelona
August 7, 1983 - March 14, 2007
" I'll always have us in my heart"
