A blank page waiting before her
Thoughts that seem to flood won’t push through
Every word seem to be a misfit
Every emotion is amiss
She sits in silence trying to make sense of it
Of the distance
Of the space
Of the hurt
Of the pain
Of the absence
Of the loss
Of the time she asked that fills her with regrets
But to turn back now
To take back the words
Seem to be wrong
Seem to be void
Can it really do something?
Can it change what has become?
Can it conceal the hurting
That both hearts have?
To argue no argument
To settle no reclaim
Is an endless charade she is playing
For a pain she chose to inflict upon herself
She, now, is a blank page
Waiting to be filled
But maybe she has waited too much
Or to move is a mistake
An endless dilemma
A pointless resort
Where does she go
What does she do
Are floating questions
In the thin air of her emotions
Maybe it’s pride
Maybe it’s anger
Or maybe it’s fear
Of finding him there never
A faded bond she chose to wear
To help her think
Or help her feel
Of which she isn’t sure
But it’s the only thing that feels right
The only sense in her world
She has seen the degree of her actions
And of what these have done
But she could never take them back
Never can she change it now
But maybe
Just maybe
She can be better next time
But maybe
Just maybe
She’ll be wiser this time
To think before she acts
To know that she is not
The evil girl she grew up to know
The girl so sure he loves her so
Maybe it’s time to reprogram her life
To give a space between her and herself
To let other people in
To help her see who she really is
But what if
It’s too late
But what if
It can never be
Then I guess
It’s the price
She has to pay
But then again
What if
She’ll be given another shot
Then maybe
Then
She can see
The kind of man
She is blessed to have
The kind of love
That has sustained her
The kind that never tired
The kind that never once gave up again
For only she
Was the fraying failing side
At times she sees herself unworthy
At times she feels so filthy
But his love
The kind she got
Never once stated such
It’s her
Who thinks of her too low
It’s her
Who pushes her way down low
But it’s him
Who gets hurt
It’s him
Who tries
While she
Gives up
She’s sorry
I’m sorry
For all the things I am
And for all the things I’m not
For all the things I make myself believe
That has no truth nor worth
Still in fear
But still in faith
I pray and wait
For the day I state
Maybe on that day
He’d still be there
Or maybe
On that day
I’ll see him fade
But either way
It stays true
I know now what I had
And hope that I still have
...
